You know, sometimes I just would like to lose all this fat just so people could see that I’m fairly active and doing all I can. That I indeed can run 5K’s 3 times a week. That I go to the gym 2-3x a week. That I work out and sweat and don’t look pretty at those times - but that it makes me feel great. That I put effort in eating like an athlete and thinking like a nutritionist because I want to take care of my body.
And there I am, still overweight and obese - but feeling fuckingtastic inside. At least I hope my skin glows when people see me and that their judgements might be a little less harsh.
Anyone who feels me?
Sooo, I’m gonna go for a powernap, because I’ve been lacking some sleep lately. Luckily I found back my flow, so I’m actually able to study some for my exams (which is good, because it freaked me out that I had no motivation nor control). Less than a week. It’s still so weird to think about it, 1/3 of my life took place in that school, with this class and in three weeks it will all be over.
Anyway, time for a nap aaaand some running tonight. I need to write some articles on running as well, but I can do that later. Tomorrow we’ll probably go to our residential house near the forest and I’m already planning on getting on a good, long walk with the dog. She’ll love me for it, hahaha.
(Btw, not counting is working fantastic, although I haven’t weighed myself, I feel like my metabolism is finding it’s flow back too).
So, I decided to stop logging my food and stop counting my calories for a week or longer. I have several reasons to do that and I’ll explain them in short for you my guys (because I feel like I owe it to you if I stop logging).
First of all, my final exams are in a week. Less than a week. I really just need to focus on that. I can’t handle any more stress about eating the right macros and exercising enough to hit my goal - I just want to eat. Healthy actually, but that’s not a big deal because I have been doing that for a couple of years now, so that’s pretty much just my lifestyle. I want to exercise when I feel like it, when I want it - not to hit my calorie goal or whatsoever. I can’t relax this way, and relaxing is so important when you have like, 10 exams coming up. So yeah, that’s reason one.
Reason two is that I know how to maintain. I don’t need to log my food to know what is clean and what not, what is good and bad for me and what upsets my body and what doesn’t. I can handle that without counting. Counting calories really turned me into a mess. Obsessing over it. Not being satisfied with good food if it’s too high in calories, if I need to work out more. I don’t want to have moments like, right before going to bed: should I work out more? Besides, I think my metabolism has no idea what to do with the food and I don’t know why: I need to figure it out.
That brings me to my third reason: it really DOESN’T help me. At all. I eat whatever I want as long as it fits within my goal. In theory you should lose - but I don’t and I don’t know why, but I do know my body hates science and has never worked like a normal one before so it probably isn’t gonna do that right now. But, the most important thing here: I eat cookies just to fill up the calories to hit my goal. Like, seriously, what kind of healthy, fit and lean person would think like THAT? Well, let me tell you, I don’t want to be like that. I know how to eat clean and I’m pretty sure, if my goal is to eat clean I won’t get those cookies and bits of chocolate and whatever in my mouth. Counting really gives me reasons to eat stuff I normally wouldn’t and that does not seems healthy at all.
That brings me to the last reason: my mind is so lost. What kind of mindset do you have if you justify eating cookies because they fit within you calorie goal? What I am really focusing on here, losing weight to whatever cost or getting fit and healthy and putting all my effort in? You tell me, because I’m pretty sure I have no idea anymore. But I used to know that: I wanted to become fit and be healthy. I should stop focusing on losing the muffin top and whatever, I should focus on improving my strength and endurance. I really want to, but somehow these bad thoughts have been a little bit distracting.
I spoke to this woman, who has lost a LOT of weight through healthy eating and using common sense. No counting at all. The moment she stopped focusing on her weight, but paid attention to her health and body, she lost weight as a side effect of her healthy lifestyle. I’m just gonna give that mindset a try. I’ll eat clean food when I’m hungry, I’ll workout (I seriously can’t do without it anymore) and I’ll relax when I’m not studying or making exams. We’ll see how that will work for me :)
(Sorry about this long list of reasons, I just really needed to tell someone and to step back to analyze all of this).
OMYGOSHHHH, that’s another -0,7kg down! I can’t believe it is finally working again. I’m so eager to see that moment that I’m under de 190lbs, which I haven’t been in… what?! 2 years? Yeaaah!
Soooo. You ask me if I’m still alive? Uh, yeah. This week is my shark week ánd my test week. So exercising was just really terrible, it was hard to find the time and still get good marks, so I changed the order of priorities. Next to that, I wasn’t really feeling like clean eating was necessary (biggest mistakes ever) and after a good work-out this morning I was super dizzy.
People, again. PROPER NUTRITION IS SO IMPORTANT FOR YOU AND YOUR BODY. I keep telling myself this and it still slips through my fingers sometimes.
So, now I don’t feel so good. But I need to study and do some homework because things are getting normal again. Except my best friends, who is being a pain in the ass for his ‘I’m not mad, but I don’t like you today either’-thing. Whatever.
Tomorrow I’ll get back on track and do the last 2 days of the 30 day Shred Level 1. Then it’s time for Level 2. And I need to go for a run, even it’s a short one.
But right now: school.
Enjoy your weekend sweeties!
Today’s a bit of a sad day for me. It’s my rest day and it is making me really restless. Yesterday I had a good evening with my friends and we drank some alcohol, ate peanuts and ate more unhealthy stuff. We had a lot of fun and it made me really happy.
But today is a ‘my body is so fat’-day and I hate those. I can’t appreciate what I see in the mirror and it’s not even my shark week. I feel unhappy about it. I try to put motivation out off the muscular calves I have now and the fact that I can do some proper push-ups but it just seems not enough.
I’m in this for 6 months now. I have lost like 14lbs. It feels so little. I really want my body to change, am I not pushing hard enough then? Or just through the 30 Day Shred? Tomorrow’s Day 8…
And that was Day 6 (didn’t mention Day 5) of the 30 Day Shred. It’s really getting easier for me, so I think I’ll be strong enough to move on to level 10 in 4 days. Was a bit hesitant about it at first.
Still looking for people who want a promo, though…
Completed 30 Day Shred Day 4! I had a hard time finishing it (same as my run yesterday) because my throat hurts very badly and without water it kills me. So no rest means now water, so that wasn’t very nice.
But I did it, yay :)
Lost a pound! I’m 0.5kg/1lbs away from my LW since july this year during this journey. THIS FEELS SO GOOD :)
And… that 30 Day Shred Day 3! Push-ups are still killing me, but the ab workouts are getting better :)
Lol… I typed 30. HAHA, wish it was that far already.
Woohoo! It was already getting easier. I was supposed to do this one yesterday but I had no time (couldn’t go running outside), so I did an extra vigorous gym work-out.
Wanted to go running + 30 Day Shred but it’s raining cats and dogs outside. Happened to find the work-out easier than yesterday, but the push-ups are still a pain in the ass.Now I’m gonna go on the stationary bike for 30 mins :)
But I’m improving myself no matter what, so yeah, I’m happy. Should I take some before pics?
Okay. It’s time to be realistic now I’m feeling like my body is finally changing. I’ve got 7 months to make the best out of it, before my finals and before my prom.
That means with a goal at 142 I should lose 196-142= 54lbs. That would mean, lose 7 lbs a month. Lose about 1,5 pound a week.
That’s still possible. And being 150lbs at my prom will put a smile on my face too, so yeah.
This is it. I’m doing this for me. For next year. For every god damn dream I’ve ever had about clothes, body, boys. For the tears and all the sadness.
And I’m going to win. Yes, I am.